The Art of Self Care

Self care. How many of us actually do it, or even understand what it really means and it’s true value?

What do I mean by self care?

Let’s start with the basics. What actually is self care?

The Oxford Dictionary describes it as:

The practice of taking an active role in protecting one's own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress

I find it interesting that this definition uses the word “protecting” in terms of well-being and happiness.

The Cambridge Dictionary describes it as:

The practice of doing activities that you enjoy or that are relaxing, especially in order to improve or avoid stress

Both of these definitions highlight the idea of doing things that bring you joy or happiness and that reduce stress.

I’m curious - is that what you thought self care was? Or did you think it was another item, like exercise, to add to your already long list of things to do?

Why is it important?

Doing things that bring joy and relaxation fills our emotional and energetic cup. When this is full, we are better able to cope with the demands of daily life, the vagaries of those around us, and the challenges that drop in at the most inopportune times.

Self care also helps reduce stress which in turn reduces cortisol in our bodies.

We’re on call

With the demands of today’s society, we are on-call 24/7. Our phones are constantly reminding us what we need to do, telling us which new disaster has happened somewhere in the world, telling us what we need to look and act like, how others are more successful than we are, how they are on holiday and we are not.

In previous generations, they were aware of what was happening in their community, and their country but that was probably about it. Their focus was more on their immediate environment and what they could do to improve that.

These days, there is a feeling that we need to know what is happening in every part of the world. Our focus is global rather than local, and as a result we have the weight of the world on our shoulders.

There is a constant stream of global disasters vying for our attention, over and above the demands of our day to day life, so is it any wonder that we feel stressed when we are being pulled in so many directions all at once?

The struggle for women

What I’ve found in the women I work with is that they really struggle to find time to do the things that really bring them joy. Women are too busy providing for everyone else, making sure everyone gets what they need but forgetting about their own essential needs.

It’s not wrong, it’s what we are designed to do as mothers, but there comes a time when we need to reclaim our own space. You see this in nature as well. I’ve been watching a family of pukeko’s in my paddock. Mum and Dad are definitely encouraging the youngster to move on, chasing him away at every opportunity so they can start afresh.

Midlife and menopause is a call to start anew, and it’s also a time requiring immense self care. As we go through peri/menopause, our body is telling us it’s self care requirements. If you pay attention, you’ll get the message.

Top of the list is usually rest, followed closely by good nutrition, lowering stress levels, and a form of exercise that works for where you are now (considering joint pain and fatigue are big factors).

What does self care look like?

As the definitions described above allude to, it’s anything that brings you joy, refills your energy in some way, and reduces your stress levels.

Self care is not a massage once in a blue moon. That’s a treat. Self care is something you do on a regular basis to ensure your energy is constantly refilled. I describe it as a lifestyle because it’s something you need to do all the time, not once in a while.

Self care is going to look different for everyone. There is no ‘one size fits all’. Every single one of us is unique so it stands to reason that our self care will be unique to us too, but here are some ideas to get you thinking:

Sleep as much as you need to
I’ve found that I need 8-9 hours sleep every night. Other people need less. I often hear women saying they they get up at 5.00 am so they can fit in extra activities like going to the gym, a meditation, or just so that they get their own quiet time. If you are a morning person and don’t need much sleep, that’s a great way to do things, but if you are forgoing sleep to fit something else in, perhaps you need to reconsider. Sleep is the most important thing we can give ourselves. It detoxifies our body, reduces stress and means we are more resilient so reducing the amount of sleep we get may be harming more than helping.

Get out in the sunlight
Our circadian rhythm is based on day/night so helping our body understand when daytime has arrived is important. Ayurvedic principles tell us to rise with the sun and go to bed with the sun. Artificial light has affected that rhythm and our body suffers as a result. The simple act of being outside in the sun, without sunglasses on, for 15 minutes every day helps to restore a healthy circadian rhythm and therefore a healthier you. If you can get in the sun early in the morning, that’s even better.

And just so you know, sunlight through windows is about 50 times less effective than direct sunlight, because glass windows filter out certain wavelengths of light, so get out of the house, the car and the office and get yourself some sunshine.

Ground yourself
The Earth has powerful electromagnetic energy that resets our bodily systems. According to Health.com “The idea is that when you touch your body to the ground, it dissipates static electricity and extraneous charges that are on you, while at the same time, you receive a charge of energy in the form of free electrons, helping your body synchronise with the natural frequencies of the Earth.”

Web.md says “Exposure to the electrons is vital for functioning at your best.” So, while you are out getting your dose of morning sunshine, put your bare feet on the ground and get some healing energy as well.

Find what brings you joy
What is it that makes your heart sing, makes you feel immensely satisfied and content, or brings you energy? Is it dancing, writing, reading, gardening, cooking, singing, drawing, painting, organising your cupboards, spending time with children, walking, being in nature, birdwatching, fishing, studying something new, connecting with friends?

Whatever it is that you enjoy, schedule it in every week and make it non-negotiable. When the children were little, I used to paint on Sundays. That was my own, precious day and refilled my cup for the week ahead.

You don’t need to put aside a whole day though - maybe an hour of doing your thing is enough. It doesn’t matter - just make sure you do something every week that fills your cup. If you can do it daily, even better.

If you don’t know what your ‘thing’ is, follow the little spark of interest that lights up inside. If one of the suggestions above gave you a little zing, follow that. Find out more about it, have a go, and just keep following that teeny bit of excitement that rose up in you.

Journaling
Getting your thoughts, ideas, concerns, frustrations and joys down on paper can be really cathartic. It stops it from running around in your head and causing anxiety or stress. You can fully express yourself without hurting anyones feelings or causing issues.

It’s also a great way to question and dig deeper into your feelings. Asking a question, really listening to your inner self and writing a truthful answer can be quite revealing. We think we know ourselves, but sometimes our answers can surprise us.

Remember not to judge yourself though. A journal is a safe space to express yourself that is free of judgement. It’s okay to have those feelings, and it’s even better to get them out by journaling.

Gratitudes
Writing down the things you are grateful for every day helps us to scan the day for positive things rather than negative. Our brain is wired to focus on the negative in order to keep us safe but too much of this can keep us stuck in a low state.

I like to do this when I go to bed. It means I go to sleep thinking of the good things rather than the difficult things of the day. I write three things I’m grateful for, but you could choose to write 5 ,10 or as many as you like each day. And if you want to take it a step further, write down why you are grateful for it as well.

Move
Move your body every day. We weren’t designed to sit at desks and computers all day. Whether it’s walking, yoga, HIIT classes, cycling, swimming, dancing - it doesn’t matter. Just move in some form that you enjoy. This will give you energy and keep your body supple and mobile.

Meditate
Meditating doesn’t mean you have to sit cross legged on the floor with a completely blank mind. That’s almost impossible to do because your mind never switches off, and if you are like me, sitting cross legged gives you pins and needles after a while.

What meditating means is to become quiet, to still your mind as much as possible, to connect with your breath, and to calm your nervous system.

There are many guided meditations on YouTube which have lovely music and great imagery. Another option is to sit, close your eyes, focus on your breath first and then the feel of the breeze on your skin or the singing of the birds. Or when you are walking in nature, pay attention to the sounds, smells, sights, and feel of everything around you.

It really doesn’t matter how you do it, or where you do it, just giving yourself some space to slow down and reconnect with your body and the stillness within is what is important here.

Self care is a way of life

It’s a way of continuously putting your needs first, even if it’s only for a short time each day or week. It’s not a guilty pleasure (although you can have those too!) but is a way of maintaining your energy reserves so you can enjoy life but also take what life throws at you and bounce back from it.

The main thing is to enjoy what you do. If you hate meditating for example, don’t do it. Find something else that brings you joy - listening to music maybe. You are unique so find what works for you.

You need to take care of your own needs first and when you do, the ripple effect means that all those around you benefit from a calmer, happier, more resilient woman.

Kàren