Menopause is a healing process

Whilst there is huge focus now on menopause and the physical symptoms (which is fabulous and about time!), there is little focus on the emotional challenges that every woman faces to a greater or lesser degree during this time.

So much happens in these transitionary years, many of which fall into the emotional category, which is of vital importance to the future aspects of ourselves, and yet we overlook it in favour of the physical.

Emotions are hard

Dealing with emotions is hard. Sometimes we are called to face emotions we don’t want to admit to or accept. Other times we need to reflect on past events and how we felt about them, reframing them in to something new and finding the lessons in those events.

Anything we haven’t dealt with tends to come up for healing in peri/menopause - ready or not. And sometimes things we feel we have healed come up for healing at a different and deeper level. The latter often takes us by surprise - “not that old chestnut again, I thought I’d dealt with that!”

Would we choose to do this? Probably not. We’d much rather carry on as we are and push those pesky emotions aside. I mean, who wants to go ferreting around in painful emotions? Nobody!

Focusing on the day to day hustle and bustle keeps us busy enough to be able to ignore those deeper feelings that may be calling on us to see them.

Surprise!

So it takes us by surprise when these emotions or the beliefs that cause those emotions suddenly rise up again as we go through perimenopause. We felt they were either dealt with or deeply buried, never to rise again.

It feels very unfair. We’ve got enough going on with the physical changes taking place, so why do we have to deal with all these emotions at the same time?

In reality, our soul is calling on us to deal with these issues during this transitional phase so we can start with a clean slate in post menopause. It’s time to leave that baggage behind so we can be our best selves in the next stage of our lives.

What sorts of things come up?

The list here is long and varied and it is different for every woman. But some things that commonly come up are:

• Self worth
  Things like not feeling good enough or worthy enough in some ways (e.g. I’m not a god enough mother, others are better at what I do than me, I don’t deserve my partner, I should be better at such and such…)

• Confidence
  This can include not believing in yourself, feeling like you are no longer able to do the job you used to do so easily, that others know better/more than you, that you’ve lost the plot, because you suddenly can’t think of a word or make a decision, that you are now invisible, and that what you feel or have to say is no longer relevant or not worthwhile

• Anxiety
  Things that never concerned you before suddenly cause major anxiety. Your ability to cope suddenly seems to have vanished. Some women experience panic attacks for the first time.

• Depression
  The sheer weight of all the physical and emotional changes can take it’s toll. Women who have never suffered from depression suddenly find themselves dealing with intensely dark emotions, which in itself causes a certain level of fear as to why this is happening and where it might lead.

• Anger/Rage
  Anger at decades of putting up with things suddenly falls way to rage and a need for change NOW! Things that may not have affected you before definitely affect you now. There may also be anger and rage at the unfairness of treatment of a particular group over a long period of time (e.g. women, people of colour, minority groups, animals etc)

• Confusion over future/lack of purpose or direction
  What made you feel good in the past no longer does. What felt fulfilling now leaves you cold. You start wondering where to next? What it is that you really want, often to come up blank. This can leave you feeling lost and unclear. You know something is wrong but you are not sure why or what to do about it.

• Loss of sense of self
  Suddenly you may feel like you don’t know who you are any more. You are not who you used to be, you’ve changed somehow, but you are in that liminal phase where nothing is certain and you don’t yet know who you are becoming.

It’s normal but not talked about

Although these are all normal feelings and emotions for women in midlife, they are not often talked about. We are happy to discuss hot flushes, night sweats, sore joints and weight gain but when it comes to admitting to a sudden lack of confidence or confusion over our future, not so much.

Maybe we see it as admitting to a weakness, and in a world dominated by competition and duality, admitting to something that makes us appear weak goes completely against the grain. We live in a world based in the masculine where strength and dominance reign so there is no way we will admit to something that makes us appear weak in anyone else’s eyes.

It’s a strength, not a weakness

These are all emotions, beliefs or ways of being that are no longer serving us. Facing them, unpacking them, learning from them and growing as a result of all this is a great strength. And it sets us up beautifully for the life we want to live in our Wise Women years.

We are the lucky ones. I believe (and this is only my opinion) that menopause is a third major developmental phase for women (see my blog post “Menopause - just another growth phase” for more on this) following on from puberty and pregnancy. Men don’t get this opportunity. They can of course do the work on their own but they are not ‘encouraged’ to face these at a certain point in time in the same way women are (i.e. through menopause).

How do we deal with it?

Again, the approaches are many and varied and how you deal with it depends entirely on what works best for you. Finding someone to support you in a way that you find comfortable is really important. This could be a friend, family member, coach, therapist, partner, or counsellor.

This is my main area of interest. Helping women to understand, manage and elevate beyond these emotions is the part of my role I love the most.

Often it involves identifying some key areas that are causing you concern, developing some gentle and heart centred goals around those and then setting manageable actions that will help you work through the emotions and belief patterns, bringing you to a place of calm and centredness.

The Akashic Records

In my quest to help women through this transitionary phase I’ve recently learnt to read the Akashic Records - a vast repository of information held in the aether. It has enormous healing potential for those interested in exploring it and can pinpoint the root causes of patterns of behaviour, emotions and belief systems that may have held you back for some time. Breaking free of these patterns can have phenomenal effects, allowing forward movement, growth, purpose, direction and a great deal more happiness!

Explore for growth

Exploring the potential that our emotions are providing us during this transitional time of perimenopause can allow wonderful and significant change to occur.

Not everyone is ready to face this challenge though, and that is fine too. And not everyone will face these emotional ups and downs. 20% of women sail through menopause without any problems at all. The main thing is that you need to do what feels right for you. There is no one way to do menopause.

Follow your heart, listen to what it’s calling you to do and, where you feel you need it, seek help and support.

The last thing I will say here is that taking the opportunity to heal through perimenopause sets you up for a beautiful journey through your Wise Woman years. And who wouldn’t want that?

Kàren