Menopause - just another growth phase
For those of us that have children we rapidly become aware of certain times when our children are crankier than normal. They can be irritable, short tempered, obtuse, challenging, emotional, rebellious and plain awful to deal with.
For the observant, you would have noticed that this change happened just before a major developmental leap or a big growth phase. Once they’ve calmed down again (and they always do) we suddenly realise they are 5 cm taller and can suddenly grasp a concept, idea or something else they have been struggling with for a while.
This is a big a-ha moment for us. No wonder they were so grumpy. There was a lot going on.
Planes of Development
My children went to Montessori right throughout their lives. Maria Montessori talks about the Planes of Development, those being:
Birth to age 6: The absorbent mind
Ages 6-12: Conscious imagination
Ages 12-18: New identity
Ages 18-24: Maturity
In these planes of development the child is learning, practicing and reinforcing different things. For instance in Birth-6 age group the child is focused on language, movement, order, refinement of the senses, concrete experiences, small objects, and socialization.
In the 6-12 age group they are focused on abstraction and imagination, morality and justice, culture, and peer/social interactions.
On the medical front
In medical terms specialists look to see certain developmental stages in children, particularly around:
physical development
cognitive development (thinking skills)
language development
social/emotional development
We all know of at least some of these developmental phases. We look out for them in our children, make allowances for them, encourage and support them in reaching those milestones.
Another developmental phase
To my mind, menopause is just another developmental phase or milestone.
Development doesn’t stop when we are 18 and become an adult. We continue to grow, develop, mature, and evolve right throughout our lives.
Granted, the changes are normally not as extreme as in childhood when there is so much to grasp, and so the milestones are not so apparent.
The three main stages for females
For girls and women we have three major milestones. Maid which follows our first period or menarche, Motherhood which are our child bearing/child raising years, and Crone/Wise Woman which are our post menopause years. In recent years there is a move to put a fourth stage in - that of Maga, our Menopause years.
If we think about the Maga stages, that of perimenopause and menopause, there is huge transition taking place. In our ovaries the number of follicles available to become an egg slowly reduces to nothing. Oestrogen stops being produced as a result, and our body spends a lot of time trying to adjust to this sudden lack of something that has been available for decades.
Mentally we may be reflecting back on our life and wondering what happened to all those dreams we held so many years ago. We may question whether this is as good as it gets and whether we are heading in the right direction. We begin to ask the bigger questions of what life is all about and what we want from life.
Emotionally we have to face the fact that our childbearing years are over. A happy event for some, a painful event for others. In addition, all the unhealed wounds that have been quietly stored away in the background for goodness knows how long come to the surface for healing.
You can’t rush it
Clearly there is a lot of preparation and change going on in our bodies as we go through this physiological and developmental phase. It takes a long time to work through and can’t be rushed. It’s the bookend of puberty. Our hormones kicked in during puberty and now they are dropping out. And have you noticed that the descriptors I used for puberty can just as easily be used for the perimenopausal woman - irritable, short tempered, obtuse, challenging, emotional, rebellious and plain awful to deal with!
Think about having a baby. Our body prepares itself every month for the possibility, and if we are impregnated it takes 9 months to grow a baby. You can’t rush that growth. The 9 months also gives us time to get used to the idea of becoming a mother, which is quite different to the previous Maid phase.
You can’t rush perimenopause either.
The perimenopause phase
Perimenopause is the preparation phase for our mind and body to become accustomed to the idea that things are changing and our future role is now different.
Just think about it. We’ve had these hormones performing various functions throughout our body on a regular cycle for decades. We have oestrogen receptors throughout our body and they are expecting to get their regular dose of oestrogen. When it doesn’t come, things go into overdrive to try and create some more, hence the erratic up and down cycle. Is it any wonder that things are topsy turvy?
However, it seems to be seen as a medical issue, and something to be fixed, rather than a natural life cycle and developmental issue. Menopause is something to be worked through and understood, not something to be ‘treated’ like it’s a disease.
Having said that, it’s incredibly important that we have the support of the medical world because some symptoms can be extremely debilitating. I know first hand how tough it can be and what a godsend HRT and other medications can be.
Education is key
As with everything, education is key. Understanding what is going on will always aid you in moving through it. Knowing what to do to alleviate symptoms is important information to have in our tool box, and being able to call upon medical experts to support us through the worst of it is essential.
When teenage acne gets out of control, we go to a specialist to resolve the issue. But we also understand it’s part of the puberty process which is physiological, mental and emotional. Our teenagers behaviour changes and in that 12-18 developmental phase they are sensitive to social justice, heroes and role models, personal dignity and a sense of belonging.
The menopause plane of development
So, if menopause is another developmental stage, what are we sensitive to in this plane of development? Here’s my thoughts:
A sense of identity would seem to be first and foremost. Finding ourselves again after decades of supporting and nurturing others.
A sense of fulfilment and achievement. Where do we feel fulfilled and what in our lives needs to change in order to feel more fulfilled more of the time?
Rekindling our passions and creativity becomes another focus. Finding what brings us joy in whatever form is so important, particularly in this hectic life where we constantly seem to be on auto pilot as we bounce from one thing to another. And the focus here is on the woman, not on what everyone else thinks brings us joy, but on what truly makes her joyful and happy in whatever form that is.
Defining our purpose as our role in life changes. What is it we are here to do in this stage?
Leaving a legacy. We start to consider what impact we want to have on others and what is it that we want to leave behind.
If we put this into Maria Montessori’s terms, the summary might look something like this:
Ages 40-55 - Renewed identity
Sensitive to identity, achievement, passion, creativity, purpose and legacy
And given that studies show our experience of perimenopause and menopause is correlated to our expectations of it (i.e. if you have negative expectations of menopause it’s likely you will have a more negative experience and more severe symptoms than others) then it’s worth considering that this period in our life is simply another healthy growth phase supporting us as we mature into our Wise Woman years.
What’s your view?
If you are currently going through perimenopause/menopause right now, how does changing your view of this developmental phase make you feel in relation to what you are going through?
And if you are in post menopause, what difference do you think this view might have made to your experiences?
Certainly for me I know that this view provides me with a sense of purpose to all the change. It’s something that is happening for me, for my growth and development into the next very important phase of my life, rather than something that is happening to me and over which I have no control.
I’m keen to hear your thoughts.
Karen
