The restart

It’s been three and a half months and it’s taken me all of that time to get to a place of peace . And all of a sudden I’m being dragged into the real world again. I’ve had feelings of “it’s too soon, I’m not ready” and “do I have the energy for this?” and even “do I want to go back into my old life and do what I used to do?”.

The resistance

I’ve been very resistant to the idea of restarting my life. Having just found a place where I’m quietly content and happy, I’m not very keen to give it up. I enjoy the stress free days, the time for walks and yoga or Qi Gong, the absence of deadlines and the ability to focus on my art as often or as little as I would like. I enjoy the inner peace I’ve finally found and the space to just be me all the time.

It was a pause, not a stop

I always knew that I’d have to restart at some point. It just so happens that everything restarted at the same time.

I had put a business/marketing course that I was doing on hold for three months and that came up for restarting on 17th May. It was very generous of them to allow me to pause while I focused on regaining my energy, but the time has come to get back into it and complete the course.

My membership of the networking organisation I belong to also came up for renewal. I’m now an hour away from the group I joined and really didn’t want to face an hours drive to get into the CBD for 9.30 am on a Tuesday morning. Lucky for me there are two other groups in the Wairarapa and I’ve been able to transfer to the local one that meets on Fridays at 12.00 pm. Much more civilised and up my alley!

In terms of my coaching work, I had someone contact me out of the blue in the last couple of weeks who is interested in working with me. After our Discovery call, rather than feeling drained, as I was worried I would be, I felt energised.

So, whether I like it or not, the Universe has made it clear that it’s time to get moving again and rejoin the real world.

There’s a difference

What’s different, though, is how I will turn up in that world.

As I said before, I don’t want to get sucked up into the hurly burly world of deadlines, pressure and stress. For me to be truly happy and content I need a more balanced lifestyle. I may be doing similar things to what I did prior to my break but there is more emphasis on supporting my energy levels and giving back to myself.

What I’ve learnt from this process is that constantly giving is one of the things that has lead to burn out. I need stronger boundaries in place to ensure I protect my space and my energy levels. It’s imperative I have time to recharge my batteries, and right now, that involves being on my own and having some sort of creative outlet, like my art.

I also need to ensure I surround myself with people who fill me with energy rather than drain me. I’ve realised that I get quite drained on a constant basis by some who are very close to me. Putting in place clear boundaries and ensuring I have enough quiet ‘me time’ is super important going forward.

It’s also important I have some fun. It took me by surprise some time ago when someone asked what I did for fun, and I couldn’t actually think of anything. I paint, which I enjoy, but it doesn’t fall into the ‘fun’ category. It’s more of an immensely satisfying hobby. I realised then that my life had become a dismal round of duties and responsibilities with little to no actual fun involved. That needs to change.

Starting again

So, I’ve had to put my resistance aside and restart life again. Interestingly, although I was almost dreading getting back into the course work, once I got going I felt quite inspired. I may not do exactly what they suggest right now, but it’s something I can work towards. I’ve taken the pressure off myself and feel much better about moving forward in a way that works for me.

I’ve had my first networking meeting with my new group and really enjoyed myself. There was interest in what I do, and they were a lovely bunch of ladies that I’m looking forward to getting to know as time goes on.

The Discovery Call I held was positive and I’m looking forward to working with the client if that’s what she chooses to do.

And for fun I joined a Belly Dancing class! I had my first lesson last week and really enjoyed it. It challenged me, got me moving in ways I don’t usually move and also got me laughing at myself. It was such a good feeling.

I’m actually ready

So although I didn’t feel like I was ready, in actual fact I am, and I’m feeling really positive about moving forward. The difference is that my view on life and my expectations have changed and that will be reflected in my forward journey.

This break has been good to rebalance me, to reset my priorities and understand what it is that I need, rather than what everyone else needs. The challenge will be to ensure I don’t get caught up in old habits and behaviours that can so easily suck me back in to where I was before.

I’m pretty certain, though, that I’m strong enough to maintain my new boundaries and priorities because they have become so important to me. I’ve been given the opportunity to start afresh and I mean to ensure that I make the most of it.

Thank you

For those of you who have followed my journey, you know it hasn’t all been plain sailing. There have been many challenges and fears to face along the way, but I feel like I’m out the other side now and am ready to face the world again.

Thank you for all your support and kind words. It has definitely helped to get me through a challenging time and I’m now ready to hit restart on my life.💜

With love

Karen