Still life

I’ve just finished reading a book with this exact title: “Still Life” by Sarah Winman. It’s been an interesting journey, going through the book, because the first part made me feel very uncomfortable.

It described people’s yearning for more. Their need to be loved and cherished but the fact that they weren’t receiving that. There was a sense of grief and loss for what was, what had been, and also for what they felt never could be.

I found it very hard to read about lives that seemed so unfulfilling and contained so much loss and longing, even though those lives were only fictional. I wondered whether I’d be able to finish the book if it was going to be like that all the way through.

Finally, something happens which changes the lives of several of the characters. They take a risk and leap into the unknown, not knowing what it will bring or how it will go. They have doubts and fears but they take the leap of faith anyway and are rewarded in many different, unforeseen ways.

It was interesting to look at those who were willing to take the risk and those who found the idea of change so scary that they were unwilling to take that leap of faith which would alter their destiny and potentially bring them so much more joy and happiness.

It’s so easy to stay in a life that is safe and secure and allow the day to day noise to drown out the yearning in your soul. But that can be a death sentence in its own way - a death of the soul and the spirit, even though you are still very much alive in your body.

Death comes in many forms (I think that could be a blog post all on it’s own!) but the voluntary death of the spirit does not need to take place. When we find ourselves beaten up and battered by daily life, longing for something different but unable to take any action to achieve that desire, that is when (in my opinion) the death of the soul and spirit can occur.

This is not to say that people should throw away everything in their lives and make drastic and traumatic changes. That’s too much. But I am suggesting that we should take the time to turn down the volume on our day to day lives and really listen in to what our soul is trying to tell us.

Our soul speaks to us in many ways, if we care to listen. For me, I have many vivid dreams. For a while I had vivid dream after vivid dream about being trapped, chased, stolen from, and other general unpleasantness. My dreams have changed and I’m no longer trapped in them, although I do get followed around a lot. Haven’t quite figured out what those dreams are about yet!

Our bodies also let us know when something is amiss. Pain or discomfort can be an indicator that we are holding on to trapped emotions, and they are manifesting as physical pain. I’ve had ongoing shoulder problems for years, which can be an indicator of burdens being carried. Funnily enough my shoulders seem to be better these days. Not as strong as they were, and I’m working on their flexibility, but definitely not painful any more.

Our hearts are probably the greatest guide. If you get out of your head and think about taking your focus in to your heart, you can sometimes feel what it is your soul is yearning for.

Your head and your ego will be busy telling you why you can’t have it, why it’s silly to even think about it, how much you’d have to give up and/or lose in order to have what ever it is that you are yearning for. Your ego will also throw lots of logistics at you to ensure you don’t take that risk. It is, after all, trying to keep you safe.

But if we don’t take that risk, if we don’t dare to try or dare to be brave, then what is life all about?

So often we talk ourselves out of what we want because we don’t think we should for some reason:

• “I should spend that money on the children, not on me”

• “I should be happy with my life because it looks like I have everything”

• “I spent years at University so I should stay in a job where I use my degree”

• “I should be happy with what I have, wanting more or something different is just being greedy”

• “If I change my life I won’t have the income I’m used to receiving”

In the book the characters grow and expand, find more joy and happiness, and experience things they never dreamed they’d experience, and all because they took that leap of faith and followed their heart - the yearning of their soul for something more.

Why do we stay in jobs we don’t love, trapped in a way of life that’s too busy to allow time for our nervous system to relax, or in relationships that are no longer fulfilling?

Is it that society says this is what success looks like? Or is it fear of the unknown?

Identifying that yearning in your heart and soul is the first thing, and can take a little time to identify exactly what it is. Taking the little steps that bring that desire into your life is the next stage.

It’s a bit like going green really. You don’t throw out all your household cleaners and non-eco friendly products in one go. You change slowly, by replacing the old cleaners with eco-friendly ones as they run out, and adapting practices like taking your own carry bags rather than plastic bags.

Same thing applies in your life. Start slowly. Change little things at a time until they become a way of life. Over time you’ll see that you are beginning to live a life more in line with your soul, rather than constantly longing for something you feel you can’t have.

I don’t want to get to the end of my life and wish I’d had the courage to do something different, to live a different way, to follow my interests, and live life on my own terms rather than how society says I should live it.

I would be so disappointed with myself if I let that be the case. To reflect back on opportunities I hadn’t taken because other people didn’t agree with it would just feel awful.

So the book “Still Life” is a reminder to stop wishing for things to be different and to take that leap of faith to bring in small parts of the dreams that hide in your soul into your everyday life.

Living the dream has to be better than dreaming to live, doesn’t it?

Karen