Bounce back
The ability to bounce back after set backs is also known as resilience. The definition of resilience in the online Oxford Languages Dictionary is:
the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.
I’d also put tenacity in there, which as my sister always told me is:
the ability to persevere in times of adversity.
All change
I had an event recently that meant I had to change all my plans dramatically. It required an about face and a change in goals and dreams. It was hard to let go and had me quite upset for a good 36 hours before I managed to adjust to the new situation and make new plans.
I realised in the process that I was able to bounce back and, although I’d had to dramatically change things, I would be okay. Things would just be different than I had been planning and dreaming of.
It also acted as a catalyst for me to make those changes. Perhaps that’s what I needed to get moving because it certainly galvanised me.
Feel the feels
However, before I could bounce back I took the time to feel upset, and to recognise that those feelings were valid. I realised there was small chance of me being productive that day, so I gave myself the space to just feel the feels. After that I could move on with a new plan.
Normally I wouldn’t give myself that space. I would just push through and try to manage myself and my emotions, not letting them surface or show as I dealt with the situation at hand. And usually for me that means burying the emotions and leaving them trapped in my body. Not good as they stay there and cause issues later.
Sudden clarity
What surprised me was the clarity and determination that resulted when I woke up from a good sleep on the second day. Weirdly, I was like a whole new person. I had a new plan and it was going to work. I immediately began putting it in to action and felt better because I was taking control.
A great aspect of this is the amount of support I received. Hearing that people were there to help me and make sure I was okay was so valuable. It didn’t change the situation but it did mean that I knew I would be okay one way or another.
The other side of the story
There was another side to this story though, and it’s one of not listening to my intuition. If I had, I could have saved myself a lot of distress, because what had changed my plans and caused me all the grief turned out to be a non-event. A mistake had been made and once rectified my original plans could be reinstated.
My first reaction (i.e. my intuition) was that it was a mistake and I should make a call to rectify it. But then my illogical brain took over and put the mistake down to a couple of different things, and down the spiral I went.
I always kick myself for not listening to my intuition. It always seems that it would have been so much easier if I had. In this case it would have saved me a lot of pain and distress.
Silver linings
But, the silver linings in this cloud is that I was quickly able to make new plans and take action, as well as to reflect back and see the learnings from the scenario. I can also see now that actually, I do have resilience.
One thing I have noted over the years though, is that resilience drops dramatically if sleep is compromised. If I’m not getting decent sleep, my resilience plummets. And I’ve seen this happen in others as well.
My learnings
So what did I learn from this little scenario?
Listen to my intuition!!! 🙄
Express my emotions - it’s okay to feel the feels and allow them to get out of my system.
Give myself time - I don’t need to solve everything instantly. I will get there eventually.
Accept support - I don’t need to do it alone.
Make a plan - once I have a plan I can start taking action which puts me back in control.
Learn the lessons - reflect back and observe how I reacted and what I could have done better or differently, understanding how that might have changed the scenario.
If you’ve been hit with a calamity and are feeling low or stuck, then I hope my learnings support you in some way.
It’s not always easy, but you can get through it. And sometimes the new plan is better than the old one. You just never know.
Karen
