The difference between matriarchy and patriarchy has been on my mind a lot lately so I thought an exploration into both was in order! For me, it’s an opportunity to explore more about both and expand my knowledge and learning. I hope it supports this in you as well.

I’m not an expert in these areas, and I’m not a writer or a researcher. I’m simply someone trying to find out a bit more about what these terms mean as patriarchy, in particular, is a word that is bandied about rampantly these days.

Lets begin…

What is patriarchy?

I’m beginning with patriarchy because that’s what we are in now. It has been the state of play in the Western world for thousands of years. The term comes from the Greek word patriarch which means:

“chief or father of a family” - a compound of the words patria meaning “family” and archein meaning “to rule”

The Oxford Learner’s Dictionary states that it is:

“A society, system or country that is ruled or controlled by men”

Merriam-Webster defines it as:

“Social organisation marked by the supremacy of the father in the clan or family, the legal dependence of wives and children, and the reckoning of descent and inheritance in the male line: broadly : control by men of a disproportionately large share of power”

How do we see this in society?

We see patriarchy in the way our families, businesses and institutions are set up. Generally males are at the head of the institution/family and women play a supporting or subordinate role. This usually lends to inequality between the sexes through all aspects of society. For example, we all know that women are still paid less than men, even in 2021, which indicates women are still less valued than men. In sporting events, the prize money for women is usually quite a lot less than the prize money for men, and women’s achievements are not spoken about as often as men’s.

Generally the most powerful positions in society, and the world, are held by men although women are starting to make inroads in this area. It seems it will still be a long time before there is a 50/50 balance though.

Institutions that are largely set up along patriarchal lines includes Governments, hospitals, universities, legal systems, corporations, and religions. This means the ruling power is still held by men and these institutions either consciously or unconsciously oppress women in some form. The Vatican is one of the last places in the world where women aren’t allowed to vote and only last year did they appoint the first woman to a managerial position in the Vatican.

Often the systems have been in place for so long that people don’t realise how the system is oppressing 50% of society. It has become custom and the wider implications are not questioned. In other words, neither women or men question the system because that’s how it’s always been.

Many cultures value boys over girls, and in some countries there is a high abortion rate of female babies.

Most laws have been written by men for men, as have religious books, medical books and scientific texts. Did you know that even today detailed descriptions and pictures of women’s genitalia and the nerves etc that make up our ‘bits’ is not included in most medical text books as it’s thought to be unimportant, but men’s genitalia has been thoroughly described and documented?

Patriarchy negatively affects men as well. The Macho Man and Alpha Male is celebrated but those who are in touch with their emotions or more gentle and intuitive in their approach are belittled. Some men don’t feel they can speak up about certain actions, ideas or language, even though they disagree with them. Boys are encouraged to be strong, aggressive, rational and non-emotional, meaning they are not free to feel their emotions or seek solace. Rather they’re told to toughen up and stop crying.

What is Matriarchy?

In terms of the word, it’s unsurprisingly pretty much the exact opposite of patriarchy. It comes from:

“the Latin word māter meaning mother and the Greek work archein meaning “to rule”

The Oxford Learner’s Dictionary states that it is:

“a social system that gives power and authority to women rather than men”

Merriam-Webster defines it as:

“a system of social organisation in which descent and inheritance are traced through the female line”

How do we see this in society?

There is much debate as to whether matriarchal societies have existed in various time frames. There is thought that in Palaeolithic and Neolithic ages there may have been matriarchal societies, but it has been difficult to prove.

At present, we don’t really see a matriarchy in practice in the Western world. There are a few examples of matriarchal societies over time, and most of those were in Asia. Currently, the Masuo culture in China classes itself as matriarchal. Women are the head of the house, inheritance is through the female line and women make business decisions. It’s not a true matriarchy though, as political power is still in the hands of males. Interestingly, as of 2016 the sole heirs in the family are still daughters.

Vietnam used to have more of a matriarchal society with women being the head of the clan or tribe, until China brought in the patriarchal system.

The Native Americans had matriarchal systems in the Hopi tribe, where gender roles were more egalitarian and neither sex was inferior. The Hopi believed in women and Mother Earth as its source, and they had no need for an army as they did not have rivalries with their neighbours.

The Iroquois have what is called the Iroquois Confederacy or League which was formed in approximately 1000-1450 in an oral format, and documented in around 1880. The League still exists. In this society women were the centre of all things. The Iroquois saw it as natural that women were in positions of power to protect the ability to create, which comes from Nature. Clans were traced through women and they were in charge of feeding the people (as women were the givers of life). Land was controlled by the women (although no one is seen as owners, only custodians) as they were more sensitive to the rhythms of Mother Earth. The men were chiefs and the women were clan mothers. Women were seen as leaders and monitored the actions of men with the right to veto any law deemed inappropriate.

And we can’t have a post on matriarchy without including the ancient Celts. Various studies of Celtic societies have uncovered legal codes relating to marriage, divorce, property ownership and the right to rule, showing that it’s not just myth that Celtic women held power. However, as with all things historic, there seems to be dispute and controversy around this as well. It doesn’t seem clear whether this was or wasn’t the case, but the general feeling seems to be that it was a matriarchal society, or at least leaning in that direction.

What’s the difference?

In short a patriarchal society is seen as more authoritarian and a matriarchal society is seen as more egalitarian. Matriarchy is not a mirror form of patriarchy, but rather influences the lives of both sexes, thus bringing in a society that holds both sexes as equal and centres around more feminine values. It’s also often linked to being more in tune with the cycles and rhythms of nature, working with nature rather than against it.

What of the future?

Is it possible to have a balance - more love, less war? Encouraging a more egalitarian society can only be a more positive thing in my mind. A society where everyone is respected and celebrated, no matter what their gender (and that includes all the variations on gender that are becoming more common today) or race. A society where people are simply celebrated for who they are and the qualities they bring to the table, in whatever form they might be.

How might we bring this about?

1. Eliminate competition between women
   Eliminating competition between women is a great place to start. In the past there has been a push for women to compete with each other as they didn’t have any income, land or power of their own. They had to secure their financial futures and safety by marrying well. This is no longer the case, and rather than competing with each other, women should be supporting and encouraging each other. We don’t need to feel threatened. Instead we should celebrate and share in our successes.

2. Proactively remove stereotypes
   Removing stereotypes in our own homes and work is essential. We need to demonstrate equality in the home and expect this of our children as well. Equal shares in chores, cooking, childcare activities, attending functions and sports events are all important between parents and children. Challenge stereotypes at work and learning institutions. Question why things are done the way they are. Just because it’s always been that way, doesn’t mean it’s right.

3. Hold everyone accountable
   We all need to be accountable for ensuring society improves and grows but in particular we need to hold men and boys accountable for their language and actions. There are certain words and actions in everyday use that are extremely derogatory, particularly to women. Make these unacceptable for everyone in your household.

4. Encourage emotional expression
   We want our daughters to have future partners that show compassion, empathy and care, and this needs to start early in a boys life. Let boys show their sensitive side and their emotions. We should be encouraging them to show care and compassion, empathy and emotion.
   
   If the girls want to rough and tumble and show their anger, encourage that too. We need women who are strong, decisive and resilient but also connected to themselves. I believe we need future leaders who know who they are, and they can only do this through being allowed to be themselves as they grow and develop.
   
   These are just young people showing their emotions in the way that feels right to them. Forcing them to push their emotions down causes long term harm. Instead be open, don’t judge, and allow young people to express themselves in a way that works for them but within the parameters of respect and courtesy to others.

5. Demonstrate balance
   Everybody needs a chance to have their say and to be heard. Adults discussing, debating and really listening to each other in any environment sets the tone for the younger generation who are watching and learning. We need to have open and honest discussions and give all young people a voice by seeking their opinions and making them feel seen and heard by parents, caregivers, teachers and employers. This doesn’t mean we always get what we want, but it does mean we’ve all been able to put our case forward and be heard.

6. Break the mould
   In the workplace, women have needed to fit the mould of males in order to be successful. It means they’ve had to be aggressive, unemotional, driven and totally career focussed. They’ve also been criticised for this by both male and female counterparts. But women can walk the fine balance of rational and caring, decisive and supportive. We don’t have to be one or the other. Whether or not you agree with her policies, Jacinda Ardern is showing us exactly how to walk that balance as she manages NZ through the pandemic. Another great example of this is in the Netflix programme ‘The Bold Type’ where Jacqueline, the Editor of a magazine, shows how to be strong and resilient, making bold calls on running a magazine and challenging the all male Board of Directors, whilst also showing care, empathy and understanding for those she works with and with her own family.

7. Have a voice
   Where you see an imbalance, make it known. This is not always easy but it is so important. Unless we point out the differences and the implications of those differences, nothing will change. Both men and women need to point out injustices so that society as a whole can move into a more just place for everyone of all races and genders. Even if you only do this in your own home, that is a great place to start.

When I look back at the way we’ve raised our boys, I know I’ve made mistakes, and I know there have been situations where I probably reinforced patriarchal norms. I’m not perfect - nobody is. But there have also been ways in which I’ve definitely moved things toward a more balanced culture and I can see the results of that coming through now the boys are in their early 20’s.

So much is changing in our world right now, and it’s changing because it needs to. Moving away from patriarchy and in to something better is one of those changes but it’s going to take us all to have a voice to ensure the change comes about. The old structures are crumbling and we have seen just how wrong they were through things like the #MeToo movement. In my mind, a society where all sexes and races are treated equal, no matter what form that takes, can only benefit all of us.

Karen