As you hit midlife and menopause, it can be really hard to find the joy in your life. There are so many demands on you, pulling you in different directions. Everyone wants a bit of your time. Everyone wants your support. Everyone seems to need something important from you. But who is giving you that support and time that you need?

And that, in itself, is the wrong question to be asking because it’s automatically suggesting that you look outside of yourself for that support. If you look outside of yourself for the care, nurturing and nourishing that you deserve, then you may be sorely disappointed.

Do it for yourself

The truth is that you need to do this for yourself, first and foremost.

You need to model how you want to be treated and also how to look after yourself so that others get the picture and treat you that way too. They won’t get it if you don’t show them. They think you are happy with the way things are. And perhaps you were, for a long time. Perhaps everything was just fine for the last decade or so. But things have changed. Your body has changed. Peri/menopause has arrived and it’s changed EVERYTHING.

You may be questioning

You are most likely questioning every single part of your life. You may be wondering if this is the life you want to live for the next 30-50 years. You may be questioning your career, your relationships, your lifestyle, maybe even your sexuality.

You are most likely wondering who you are as you may feel you got lost somewhere along the way. You could be wondering about all the dreams you had and left behind. You may be contemplating what life would have been like if you’d taken a different road, chosen a different life path, a different career, followed your heart on something instead of being talked out of it by well meaning parents/friends/family and even yourself.

It’s time to revisit

The whole midlife and menopause journey is your chance to revisit all that. It’s your opportunity to take back the reigns, to change directions if you want to or need to. To find the path that brings you the most joy.

This is not selfish. It may be hard for others to get their head around at first, but when they see the joy from the changes that you make, they’ll soon understand why you chose a new path.

And that joy, that contentment, that satisfcation - it ripples out into the world. Every person that comes into contact with you walks away feeling that little bit better, because you’ve shared your joy with them in some way. You don’t need to say anything or do anything. It’s an energetic exchange. Just being around you means they feel uplifted, happier, more content, more at peace, more ease. Your joy affects everyone around you.

What is joy?

But what is joy? We think of it as the BIG events in life - getting married, having babies, succeeding at something big or something very public.

As we get older and step into our Wise Women years, we see that joy is made up of many, many small everyday things. For me, my favourite thing to do is to sit in silence, listening to the stillness, the birds singing, the wind sighing through the trees.

It’s also coaching women and seeing their progress, seeing the light come back into their eyes, the spark come back to their being, and the new sense of purpose and direction that they have.

I also find joy in my painting, creating something beautiful that will lift someones soul, fill someone else with joy, but also fill me with satisfaction that I’ve created something so beautiful. The fact that I’ve managed to create something remotely beautiful at all fills me with wonder and awe.

It also comes in the food I eat and taking pleasure in taming my garden. Joy comes in many forms, from sitting and being present with nature, to actively doing something that brings you pleasure and contentment. There is no right or wrong here, it’s really whatever gives you that little lift and makes you feel better.

It’s not all rainbows and unicorns

I’d like to point out here, though, that just because I find joy in the small things, this doesn’t mean I lead a completely joyous and wonderful life, full of rainbows and unicorns. No, no, no! I have my fair share of heavy moments, things that cause me pain, anxiety, stress, things that go wrong (which all seem to happen at the same time!). I still have moments when I’m reduced to tears and feel overwhelmed. But if I can come back to the small things that make me feel good, it can help lift me out of the heaviness of it all and bring some light back into my life.

Joy in midlife and post menopause is more about contentment, satisfaction, being at one with yourself, than it is about the big, moments, the big life events. Perhaps thats because we’ve had most of the big moments (got married, had children, established careers) and so the focus is on the little things everyday that make the difference.

It can be hard to find joy

Unfortunately, our lives these days seem to make it hard to find joy. I was talking to a builder the other day who spent some time erecting ‘slab’ buildings. They worked on a 12 week schedule. They got in, threw the buildings up, kept everything on time and on budget, and got out ready to start the next 12 week build, and then the next, and then the next again. There was no pride in their work, no beauty, no sense of achievement. There was just the pressure to get the work done and move on to the next thing as quickly as possible. Funnily enough this was unsustainable for this particular person and he left to find something more rewarding.

The 1% rule

I know we cannot single handedly change the world and the way it operates. It is what it is and we have to operate within that container. But we can do our best to support ourselves by nurturing and nourishing ourselves. Finding pockets of time to take a break, notice something beautiful, smell the roses, listen to the sea, walk in the park, listen to music that lights you up. It’s the 1% rule. If you can spend 1% of your time finding your joy, contentment and peace, you will feel so much better, so much more resilient and you’ll also have a wonderful affect on all those around you.

As one of the women in my Wise Women’s Circle said:

Busyness destroys your joy

Spend a little bit of time each day finding what feels good, seeing the beauty in something, appreciating a kind gesture, a word, a view - that is what is going to refill your energetic and emotional cup. That’s the contentment that will ripple out to those around you and make them feel better too. And they’ll notice what you are doing and take their cue from that. They may even join you and begin their own journey into finding joy again.

Whatever it is that makes you feel good, follow that, and watch your happiness and contentment grow over time. We can’t change the world, but we can change how we are in it and how we respond to it.

May you find your moments of happiness and peace in the small things in life.

Kàren